Scraps Of Mind

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My niece, Jessica, has been going out with Jamie for four years. Yesterday was their four-year anniversary and also Jamie’s Drag Tag Finals. He decided to commemorate the occasion with a public proposal to Jessica. He spent the last two weeks letting everybody know (except Jessica of course) what he was going to do and inviting people along to the Finals Night to be a part of the action.  

Being a traditional kind of a guy, Jamie wanted to ask my brother-in-law Greg for his permission first. Unfortunately he got a bad case of cold feet and couldn’t bring himself to broach the subject. I should point out that Greg is the most easy-going, laid back guy you could ever wish to meet. Anyway just before he completely ran out of time, Jamie managed to screw up his courage and get the permission.  

Unfortunately the races finished early yesterday of all days and Martin, Carol and myself arrived too late to see the big event. But after he received his prize for coming 2^nd in the Season Championships Jamie went down on one knee on the podium in front of Jessica, produced the ring and said “Will you marry me?” Jessica was completely gob-smacked, covered her face with her hands and just stood there shaking.

The crowd started shouting “Say Yes!” and she started nodding. Was that a Yes? Yes it was!! 

A few minutes after that the rest of us arrived and got the full story. I was devastated at missing it all but a celebratory dinner at Hogan’s helped to ease the pain. 

CONGRATULATIONS JESSICA & JAMIE. MAY YOU LIVE THE DREAM.

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I have recently been told that Ingvar ‘Mr. Ikea’ Kamprad is now leading Bill ‘Mr. Microsoft (proof positive that aliens have invaded the earth)’ Gates in the Richest Man in the World Stakes.

My brother and I have just spent Sunday afternoon, Allan key in hand, putting together a computer desk. And as anyone who has assembled a piece of Ikea furniture can attest the Allan key is everything. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of Ikea. But assembling their furniture can only be described as ‘character building’.

Admitedly they were kind enough to supply us with duplicate pages for half of the instruction book. But tragically this was because they had left out the entire middle section of the book. So we knew how to start the project and how to finish it. It was just the little matter of bringing those two ends together that was the mystery tour.

But in order to assist the assembly experience, Ikea now supply a little black plastic extension thingy for the Allan key. What a useless and frustrating tool that turned out to be!! After fiddling around with it for half an hour trying to keep the Allan key fitted in it we realized that its primary function was to give you something that you could hurl across the room in frustration without sacrificing a vital component for the assembly of the furniture.

So Mr. Ikea, now that you’re the wealthiest man on the planet, could you please divert some of your dollars into improving the Allan key experience for your customers? Or at least make that Allan key extension thingy out of foam so it won’t damage anything when the customer hurls it across the room.

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